You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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