On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
