You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
