that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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