Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
