I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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