there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
