That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Is it because I queefed?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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