I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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