We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
