Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
