I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
