when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
