A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
