How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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