i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
