I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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