i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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