Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
