I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
