Sponge bath it is.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
