So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
