let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
