I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
