apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
