if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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