Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
