You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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