I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
