Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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