We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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