Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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