I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Randomize
