my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
