They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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