How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
