I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
