Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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