I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
