ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
