like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
50% drunk capacity currently
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
