Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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