I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
sick fucks of a feather flock together
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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