shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
