She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
sarcasm needs its own font
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
