I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
