my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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