I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
