I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
