On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
