he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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