guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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